What is the defiance phase?

The defiant phase describes a certain stage of development in children, which children go through with varying intensity from the age of two. In rare cases, the defiance phase does not occur due to social circumstances.

During the defiance phase, the child's behavior changes, it tests how far it can go with its own will, its own scope for action is tested and the child reacts to resistance.

The response to resistance is called Defiant reaction described and can get through loud screaming and crying express that some children lash out and are difficult to calm down.

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As a parent, what can I do against the defiance phase?

The defiance phase is very important for the development of the personality, for the emotional development and for the formation of the ego in the child. For this reason, the Parents respond correctly to tantrums of childrento get this one to give a suitable framework and not to provoke new defiant reactions in an uncontrolled mannerbut to find a way out of this phase.

Parents should let their child try it out, if the situation allows, so that the child can strengthen his self-confidence and gain his own experience. This gives the child the opportunity to learn for themselves and does not always come across a "no" from their parents when they want to try something out. This only applies to situations that are completely harmless for the child and for things that are of little value to the parents - if this is not the case, the parents should give the child a clear "no".

Once the child has been shown his or her limits, it is important not to give in to the child's will, even if the child becomes loud and has a tantrum. Children need clear boundaries and rules that have to be adhered to, otherwise the child quickly learns which behavior it has to show in order to get through with the parents with its own will.

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It must be very clear to the child which rules it has to adhere to. These rules should not only always apply, but compliance with them must also be demanded equally from all caregivers. Many parents know their children very well and know when the children often react to defiance. It is advisable to avoid or defuse situations that trigger violent reactions in the child in order to protect yourself and the child, because such extreme defiant reactions can often be triggered by fear in the child. The child itself is unable to name the fear, which is why the parents are encouraged to observe the children's behavior closely.

If there is a strong fit of tantrum, it is very important that the parents keep calm themselves. This also includes them don't get carried away by the child's anger and start screaming, scolding or punishing the child yourself. Parents have the task of leading by example and explaining to the child after the seizure that certain statements are taboo.

In order to remain calm in such a situation of defiance, one has to Take a deep breath, do not take the child's reaction personally and treat the child with empathy. It often helps when you have the child takes in his arms, as part of the tension disappears and the child calms down. Furthermore, you can distract the child after a seizure or before they blindly get into a seizure, for example with your own Favorite cuddly toy or one another exciting situationthat makes the child forget the real problem. Such aces up the sleeve, which are very likely to calm the child down, are particularly recommended if you are out with the child in public and you do not want to attract any attention.

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Special features of the defiant phase in the baby

As a rule, one speaks of a real defiant phase only in children from the age of two, but behavior similar to how uncontrolled screamingcan be observed even in babies. In the first year of life, children use verbal utterances to draw attention to their needs, which must be met by their parents.

Accordingly, a crying baby is not a defiant reaction that goes against a parent banbut about raising awareness of needs that must be met in order to survive.

In contrast to an older child with a real tantrum, parents should react as quickly as possible to the child's behavior. A quick response to the behavior of the baby promotes the parent-child bond and strengthens the child's basic trust.

Only at the end of the first year of life do children learn that their behavior can influence the activities of adults. The babies are now able to use their screams in a more targeted manner to express their basic needs and to encourage them to breastfeed.

In addition, the first screams expressing the child's anger are also expressed. For example, if you take away a toy or something from the babies, they will start crying because a situation has changed against their will. This Crying expresses the babies' helplessness. Accordingly, this response is described as anger rather than defiance.

Special features of the defiance phase at 2 years

At the age of two, children begin to develop their own will. If he disagrees with the parents' opinion, it can lead to a fit of tantrum. Previously, the child's survival was ensured through the care, food and protection of the parents without the child having to put his own head through.

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At the age of two, it has now reached a stage of development in which it has its own ideas and wants to enforce them against their parents. The child begins for the first time to delimit himself and to practice what it means to have a will of his own.

At the age of two, children have their own ideas and thoughts, which they cannot yet properly translate into a language that is always understandable for adults. The child understands a lot from his environment, but is not yet able to express himself verbally appropriately. Tantrums can develop very quickly at this age, as the child makes himself noticeable with the help of screaming, crying, kicking or punching in the air. Mostly these are outbursts of anger and anger that occur suddenly and intensely, but pass as quickly as they came.

Special features of the defiance phase at 3 years

At the age of three, on the one hand, the child wants to be more independent and tries to do a lot on their own; on the other hand, the child longs for parental care, love and security.

In their striving for autonomy, the children gradually discover their wishes and preferences, which is why it is very difficult for the parents to foresee the children's wishes. The child discovers his own will and this inevitably leads to the child wanting things or things that forbidden by parents are or what the child is incapable of.

For this reason, violent tantrums and outbursts of anger can arise without the parents having a premonition. It can happen that little things that are forbidden to the child provoke strong reactions in him. At this age, such tears of anger and tantrum result from frustration because of that Child wants to achieve something that they are often not yet capable of at that age.

his phase, in which the children want to do everything themselves and they do not yet succeed in everything, is very important for development, because the children move independently of their parents for the first time. In this new phase of life, the children want to explore the environment themselves, which is associated with increased physical activity.

Special features of the defiance phase at 4 years

At the age of four, depending on the child, defiant reactions can still arise from the phase of three-year-old children. It is very individual from child to child when they go through the individual phases and how long they last. Children as young as four can walk and talk, which is different from babies who need 24/7 care.

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The children have now achieved a certain degree of independence and want to gradually increase it. In doing so, however, they come up against limits, which on the one hand are set by the parents and the child to educate or about it to protect against dangerOn the other hand, these limits exist due to the physically incomplete development. In some children, these limits can still provoke reactions such as defiance or anger in the fourth year of life. Usually, however, the tantrums and defiant reactions decrease significantly from the age of four, as the language skills and the ability to act of the children improve significantly.

Special features of the defiance phase at 5 years

As a rule, children in the fifth year of life hardly have any tantrums or extremely uncontrolled outbursts of anger. The child is linguistically and emotionally developed to such an extent that it can obey rules and some of them understand and can see.

If the children do not experience limits from their parents, this can, however, lead to the children continuing to experience defiant reactions and outbursts of anger.

They have learned that with this behavior they achieve a desired effect with their parents and take advantage of this. Such outbreaks or seizures do not have to do with frustration, as in toddlerhood, but become conscious and purposeful used for their own wishes. The children are so powerful towards their parents and thus often achieve their will, so that tantrum behavior does not decrease with increasing age, but is maintained.

Special features of the defiance phase at 6 years of age

The defiance phase at 6 years old is similar to that at five years old. Normally, with a correct and consistent upbringing, the child would have to have shed its tantrums, since it is now so advanced in development that it can verbally express what it wants and the motor skills are so advanced that they achieve a lot of what they want has planned.

If, however, tantrums continue to occur, it is possible that the child has learned that with such behavior it gets what it wants from the parents or the child behaves like this out of insecurity and excessive demands.

Such overstrain or fear can be in the Connection with school entry and the one with it new life situation accompanied. If children previously had little contact with their peers, they can also be overwhelmed by a school class, because their peers behave differently towards a child than adults and the child has to learn this for the first time.

You might also be interested in: Pedagogical transition from daycare to primary school

Furthermore, it can happen that the child, if it was not previously set by its parents, now at school for the first time experiencing limits and rules that it has to adhere to. This can lead to attacks of defiance or anger at the beginning, but these do not last long if the educator behaves consistently.

also read: Tips for starting school

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How long do the periods of defiance last and when do they end?

The phases of defiance not only begin at a different point in time for each child, but also end differently. This depends on the one hand with the individual character and the individual development of the child together and on the other hand is this also dependent on the behavior of the parents.

It can even lead to different behavior among siblings within a family, since siblings are also completely different and the parents, for example, behave differently with the second child than with the first-born. If the parents respond to their child in a defiant phase and set clear boundaries for the child and set up rules that all educators consistently adhere to, the defiant phase is quickly over for many children.

The children learn that tantrums and outbursts of anger do not help them achieve the desired goal. Accordingly, they cease this strenuous behavior very quickly. It is particularly important that the parents under no circumstances give the child the will in such behavior, otherwise he or she will remember this and act again in order to get what he wants. In addition, it is beneficial to give the child space to try things out within certain limits, so that he can live it out there and not have to have seizures. For most children, the defiance phase is over by the age of four and family life is calm again.

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