What happens when you are lovesick?
definition
Lovesickness describes the feeling when a love is not returned or has been lost. There is also talk of the “broken heart” in the vernacular. This emotional response is a complex interplay of various conscious and subconscious functions of the brain and the rest of the body that make the person concerned feel so miserable.
causes
A person suffers from lovesickness when their love is not or no longer returned. Classically, the reason for this is a separation, but this feeling can also arise in unsuccessful attempts at re-entanglement.
Why we feel lovesick so intensely, among other things biological causes. From an evolutionary point of view, a partnership offers a fundamental survival advantage, so that different systems of the brain and the rest of the body react very sensitively when we (have to) separate from a loved one. For example, it has been found that areas of the brain that are otherwise responsible for processing physical pain and other fundamental functions are active in lovesickness. The hormonal balance is also mixed up and resembles the state of depression or withdrawal of a drug addict. Therefore, we feel intense pain even if the separation made logical sense. Physical symptoms are also possible, one then speaks of the "broken heart syndrome", which in very severe cases is said to have caused the death of the person concerned.
diagnosis
The "diagnosis: lovesickness" can only be made by yourself. Many people cannot imagine that lovesickness can cause such intense feelings and symptoms, so they turn to a doctor, especially if there are physical complaints. This then makes the diagnosis of a psychological problem, e.g. depression or somatization disorder (= physical symptoms due to psychological stress). Lovesickness itself is not a described disease and is therefore not diagnosed as such, but is medically considered to be a trigger for known mental disorders.
Concomitant symptoms
The main symptoms of lovesickness are, logically, sadness, depression and similar emotional impairments.
But there can also be many other symptoms that one would not immediately expect from lovesickness. Physical symptoms such as headache and abdominal pain, loss of appetite, sleep problems or dizziness and nausea are very typical. In addition, there are psychological complaints such as fears and panic attacks, depression, concentration and drive disorders and so on.
Some people also experience real chest pain when they are lovesick, a "heartache". In addition, some increase their alcohol and drug consumption to numb their feelings. This risky behavior can be dangerous and the heartache can cause great damage.
In general, any form of complaint is conceivable that can be traced back to massive psychological, but also physical stress.
Pain in lovesickness
As already mentioned, lovesickness can lead not only to psychological but also physical pain. Typical would be a pain in the chest, which in very bad cases can even feel like a heart attack. Others experience uncomfortable pressure on the neck and chest, the throat feels tight, and it is difficult to breathe. But the general feeling of pain in the rest of the body is also increased by the massive psychological stress and the subsequent stress reaction, and every pain stimulus can feel much stronger.
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Loss of appetite with lovesickness
Loss of appetite almost always occurs with lovesickness. The characteristics of course vary a lot. Usually this symptom is only moderately pronounced, but cases of acute hypoglycaemia, dehydration and other deficiency symptoms are also known. The main cause of the loss of appetite is the body's stress reaction and the resulting release of stress hormones such as cortisol or adrenaline. This is similar to a situation in which the body is struggling to survive and needs such as hunger or sleep become secondary. Emotions can also influence our taste and general eating behavior and go crazy when we are lovesick.
Read more on this topic: Loss of appetite
Racing heart
Palpitations are another symptom of physical stress. Lovesickness puts such tremendous pressure on the human body as if it had to defend itself immediately or run away. Palpitations and general restlessness are the result. This is not only uncomfortable, but can also feel very threatening, especially for people who are afraid of a heart attack. As a rule, however, the racing heart is harmless.
Read more on this topic: Racing heart caused by stress
Lovesickness insomnia
In addition to loss of appetite and physical restlessness, insomnia is the last “standard symptom” of lovesickness. Again, the cause of this is the physical stress and the emotional chaos that troubles the person concerned. Because not only the body but also the head will not let you sleep. Spirals of thought about how the separation came about, what could have been done differently and so on are typical here. These depressing thoughts and the stress hormones keep the person awake.
Read more on this topic: insomnia
What are the phases of lovesickness?
The phases of lovesickness are not uniformly defined because it is not a recognized clinical picture. However, similar classifications can be found in the literature and in descriptions by experts, which classify lovesickness into 4-5 phases:
- The first of these phases begins with a certain premonition even before the separation. You notice that the partner is withdrawing, the first fears of loss come to light and the relationship ultimately ends.
- The second phase immediately follows the separation itself and is determined by the shock. You feel helpless, you can't understand your partner and despair takes over. Many simply refuse to accept the separation at first, want to have long discussions with the ex-partner and undo what has happened. Only when the separation has seeped into consciousness does one come to the next phase.
- In this phase, the processing begins, the actual lovesickness. Reality hits you in the face with its fist, the importance of being alone and the symptoms already described depress the mind. In this phase, too, many try to win back the partner after all, the grief alternates with a fanatical urge to act.
- In the fourth phase the separation is accepted as final and the first grief is gone. What remains is anger and pain, but everyday life without your partner is also slowly taking shape.
- The fifth and final phase finally marks the emotional completion of the relationship. The anger evaporates, the thought of the partner still stings, but no longer affects everyday life. This fifth phase is the goal of coping with grief and can only be reached if the other phases have been accepted and lived out. If this does not happen, there is a risk of getting stuck in one of the preceding phases.
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What is the best way to overcome lovesickness?
There is no recipe for overcoming lovesickness and breaking up with your former partner. Every person processes a breakup differently, men differently from women, adults differently from teenagers, mentally stressed people differently from healthy people, etc.
For everyone, however, it is important to consciously go through every phase of lovesickness and to allow and process the grief. This takes a lot of time and patience. It all starts with the pain, which most people want to avoid by distracting themselves or cramped looking for tools to overcome their lovesickness. But the pain and grief only go away when you have allowed and felt them. This is the only way to start processing consciously. By suppressing all strong negative feelings, they nestle in the subconscious, the ex-partner remains a sore point forever and the subconscious conflicts affect mental health in the long term.
In addition, in order not to constantly rekindle the physical stress reaction, the ex-partner should be avoided as much as possible and thus new conflict potential should be avoided. The emotional and hormonal chaos can be dealt with with the right distraction and company. Hobbies and fun activities stimulate the feeling of happiness and contact with friends reduces loneliness and breaks negative spirals of thought. It has also proven itself to rely on your talents and interests, especially in such a vulnerable time. A breakup has a huge impact on self-confidence and above all. after long relationships there are doubts about one's identity without the partner. You should therefore concentrate on what defines you as an independent person.
Aside from these suggestions, only time helps. Stress and grief cannot be sustained by the body in the long term and sooner or later the situation will inevitably relax.
If this does not apply or if the emotions are so massive that everyday life cannot be managed or self-endangerment is conceivable, psychologists or psychiatrists are the best places to go. These help with processing and in extreme cases can even intervene with medication to temporarily reduce the suffering. But this is only a postponement of the necessary examination of one's own feelings.
Are there pills for lovesickness?
No, there are no medications for lovesickness and cannot exist at all due to the necessary processing of grief, since each phase and the associated pain is important for overcoming the separation.
However, symptoms accompanying heartbreak can be treated if they are so severe that they make the person sick. For moderate to severe depression, antidepressants are indicated, for rest and insomnia, tranquilizers can be temporarily prescribed and the body's stress reaction can also be relieved with medication if it feels threatening.
However, these herbs only treat problems that are aggravated by or first appeared in the heartache, not the heartache itself. Furthermore, they can only be prescribed by a doctor. If such therapy is required, the accompanying psychological problems should also be treated independently of lovesickness.
Homeopathy for lovesickness
The same applies to homeopathic remedies for lovesickness as for conventional medicine: They can be used and work, but only against the accompanying symptoms, not against the lovesickness itself. In this situation, very different substances come into question depending on the severity of the symptoms, the other in each case Follow approaches. If homeopathic treatment is desired, detailed, professional advice is therefore necessary.
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Duration
The duration of the heartache is just as variable and dependent on the individual person as the experience and processing of the grief. Rules of thumb like "half as long as the relationship" or "twice as long as the relationship" are not really reliable for the individual.
The so-called "Ex-Formula", which is supposed to calculate the exact time of grief, is circulating on the Internet. It includes the length of the relationship, the intensity of the feelings, the number of nights spent together per week, the degree of contact that still exists, your own self-esteem and other factors. This calculation does not make sense either, but it at least takes into account the complexity of the influencing circumstances. All that can be said, therefore, is that the duration of lovesickness depends on too many individual factors to be able to make a reliable prediction.
Depression with lovesickness
The symptoms of depression coincide with those of lovesickness in a surprising number of areas. Joyfulness and listlessness, sadness, concentration disorders, sleep problems, loss of appetite and many more can be found in both disorders.
In the case of depression, however, neurobiological mechanisms come into play, such as a change in the neurotransmitter system in the brain. This is particularly true of the happiness and drive hormones dopamine and serotonin. However, structural differences in the brain are also found in some depression patients. In contrast to lovesickness, depression may mean that the problems do not go away over time and that professional help is needed. Very few simply slide into depression, but have experienced a traumatic event such as the death of a loved one. Separation is very similar for the brain, because a loved one suddenly disappears from their own life.
Lovesickness, if it is very intense or lasts for a long time, can turn into a pathological depression, especially if the person is otherwise psychologically stressed and exposed to stress factors. Unfortunately, there are still too few scientific studies on lovesickness as a trigger for depression to be able to draw more precise conclusions.
Read more on this topic: depression
Suicide as a result of lovesickness
Depression is behind the majority of all suicides, with at least one suspected in the rest. As already explained, lovesickness can turn into depression and then has the same risks of self-endangering behavior as this serious mental illness. It is assumed that lovesickness is a particularly strong trigger of suicidal thoughts, since after a break up one's own life breaks up and appears worthless. Unfortunately, the data situation is still insufficient here too.
Lovesickness after an affair
After the end of an affair, the same emotions and neurobiological processes occur as in the end of a relationship, since the body and the subconscious mind do not pay attention to which separation is logical or sensible, but only whether or not one had feelings for a person . Where there is love, there is heartache - regardless of whether it is a spouse or an affair. However, coping with the grief after an affair can be much more difficult because those affected often feel guilty and do not dare to reveal themselves and accept help.
What happens to the hormones when you are lovesick?
The hormonal balance in lovesickness has already been mentioned several times. Again, the data situation leaves much to be desired, but there are some studies that focus on refer to dopamine and serotonin, but also to cortisol and other stress hormones. Dopamine and serotonin include Mood hormones and changed in depression, especially dopamine also in drug addicts. This explains the “withdrawal” symptoms and the sadness after a breakup. Cortisol and adrenaline are responsible for the body's stress response and thus cause e.g. Racing heart, insomnia, loss of appetite, etc.
